My husband had a man-to-man talk with a friend just the other night over "ikan bakar " (grilled fish).
The friend was deeply discouraged by his wife.
"Why does she need so much money? Not that we don't have enough to eat. She just wants to see money piling up at home," he said.
The fear of having not enough money drove his wife to nag every day. She wanted him to work 7 days a week to earn more. It came to a breaking point for the friend when the wife said, "You are no good!"
"Why must you bring me down like this?" he told the wife.
"Oh, you feel down? Good! You should! Because you are no good!" she shouted back.
Mind you, this friend is not a lazy man. He works hard for the family and he brings food back to the table every day.
This couple is simple-minded, thus their conversation to each other was very direct.
I know a couple more of career-minded women who had discouraged their husbands "subtly" through their words and actions. Most of the time, it is about money.
Maybe these wives tried to push their husbands to become better by harsh words. But little did they know, they were destroying their men.
I suppose it is safe to say, women are generally talkers compared to men. They like to talk things out and sometimes, did not weigh the consequences of their tongues.
Proverbs 18:21 says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof".
Sometimes, it is easy to see whether a married man has "life" or walking towards "death" through his walking style and facial expression.
Does he yearn to go home after work every day? Is there a smile on his face when people ask about his wife? He has a "life-builder" wife at home.
Does he prefer to go out for a drink and delay as much as possible from going home after work? Does he walk with his back bent downwards? Does he frown and roll his eyes or become hesitant when people ask about his wife? He has a "destroyer-wife" at home.
Of course there could be many other issues or problems that the couple could be facing but these are just examples that I have witnessed from people around me that are related to the tongue.
Wives are the closest friend and confidante to their husbands and wives are meant to support their men.
Are we building our husbands to become better men or are we destroying them?
Thankfully, there is guidance from the Bible with regards to our tongues:
First, let us not worry or fear too much because;
Luke 12: 25-26 - And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life’s span? If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters?
Let us not think pessimistic but rather;
Philippians 4:8 - Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Control our tongue;
Proverbs 21:13 - He who guards his mouth and his tongue, Guards his soul from troubles.
1 Peter 3:10 - For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:
Speak wisely;
Proverbs 10:31- The mouth of the righteous flows with wisdom..
Proverbs 12:18 - ...But the tongue of the wise brings healing
Proverbs 31:26 - She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Show sincerity through our action;
1 John 3:18 - My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
Love our husbands unselfishly and believe in him;
1 Corinthians 13:4 & 7 - Love...does not seek its own...believes all things
And do him good;
Proverbs 31:11-12 - The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil; All the days of her life.
I pray we will all be "life-builders" to our husbands. As we become blooming wives, may they too become blooming husbands!
-SY
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