Loving Yourself

Days ago, I read in the news about J. Lo's marriage breakup. Her reason is she needs to love herself more now after being married for 7 years. (You can read it here)


KG and I shared the news with some of our friends and here's what they and we have to say about "Loving myself".


What do you think about this statement in a marriage? Share your comments with us. :)


Something I teach teenagers in schools, is about dating, love and marriage. The phrase I tell them comes to mind when read about JLo's decision to leave her marriage to love herself more is "Love is about giving the best of myself to another at my own expense". I also tell teenage girls and boys that, "Love is not about needing or wanting. It's about giving". It's not a theory that I have about love.... it is what LOVE is, the very nature of LOVE and the TRUTH about LOVE is that, it is not self-seeking, it is not about me, myself or I. Its how Jesus love... how He has loved us so much to give up His life for us. If Jesus loved himself a bit more than He loved us, we would all...... be doomed, dead, kaput, perish. That's how we are meant to love, and in a marriage - till death do us part!
- Su Chen


When I was younger, I had my ideal-guy requirement list! Tall, Dark & Handsome, haha I won’t even share my list, paiseh! I used to think that being in a relationship is about what I want, what I can get out of the relationship. It’s about getting a good guy so that I’ll be happy for the rest of my life. It’s about getting the best guy for myself. It's about me, just like J Lo.

Have since grew out of my self-centeredness, conditioned by God. From 'What's In the Relationship for ME', I moved on to 'What's In the Relationship for US'. I saw that it's about what I do can best for 'us', for the relationship. Getting it right so that we both benefit from the relationship. It even meant being selfless or having to 'sacrifice' a little, just so that the relationship blossoms.

I'm beginning to get a newer perspective now. It's moving to 'What's In the Relationship for GOD'. It's about fulfilling God's purpose in the relationship. What does God want? Of course, easier said than done, because what God wants may not translate to what I or WE want :p Some days I forget and get carried away. But it's a journey, learning to trust God and let Him do whatever He wants with this marriage, however way He leads. Reflecting back, instead of taking things into our own feeble hands, it's probably easier to just surrender our all to God.

Ps: I still think I have the best guy, the best hubby…my best friend.
- Jane'nette


This morning SY sent me the link to this news.

SY said “This is totally different from what I’ve said on our blog”.
I’m sure glad that IT is different, for SY that is, but not so for J.Lo.
As reputable and popular as she is, her idea on marriage is totally wrong. Christ clearly said in Matthew 10:39, “whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it”. SY and i believe that in marriage, it is never about us. It’s about the glory of God. How is God being glorified in this separation?
Our culture today made it so casual and absolutely ok that “if we can’t get along, we will go on our separate ways so i can go on loving myself”. God, however, says clearly in the Bible: “For I hate divorce and him who covers his garment with wrong, “say the Lord of hosts", so take heed to not deal treacherously” (Malachi 2:16).
When a woman has chosen the high calling of being a wife, her submission to her husband is “as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5: 22).
Is this submission a blind submission even if it means submitting to the wrong doings of husbands? We will discuss further on this topic in our next articles. Also, SY and I will gradually bring in articles/write ups to explore the real meaning of being a wife in God’s eyes.

Coming back to J.Lo, it is funny how she ended her interview saying this: “It’s still my biggest dream. I am positive — determined to move forward with my life, bring up my babies, and do the best job I can as a mother, entertainer, and person. I now look forward to new challenges. I feel strong." Seriously, would she, an entertainer, be able to cope with 2 babies while having to have “a life as a person” – which i presume would be her self-indulging activities? Would she really be able to raise these children with so many other roles to presume? (and oh, without a husband or a daddy)

Yea, she can raise them up to be someone as “successful” as her in the eyes of the world and impart values like “if you like a girl, marry her but if one day you realise you do not love her anymore, just walk off like mommy did. This is the way we love yourself, alright? No big deal. We have our future out there, like earning big bucks. Family? Who cares about family! Mommy loves you, alright?”
-KG


To me, marriage is designed by God and for the glory of God. No doubt, we all love ourselves - we would not hurt or slash our own bodies. Even the Bible says in Ephesians 5:28-29 " Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.."

But love demonstrated by Christ is beyond loving Himself as He had laid down His life for us (John 15:13).

God asked husbands to love their wives as Christ had loved the church (Ephesians 5:25), that is by laying his life for his wife too. God also asked wives to submit to their husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:22), which also means beyond loving myself.
Unconditional love is shown by one person regardless of how the other party treats you.

Yes, it is difficult to have unconditional love, especially when the husband is abusing you in some ways. That's why only God can help us!
-SY